There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
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