you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
