He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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