guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
