2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
