there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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