I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I need water and some morals
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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