my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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