paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
