Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
