Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
