the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
