is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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