If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Are we still banned from the library?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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