My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
