i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize