I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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