I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
