My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I just want nice things and good sex
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Randomize
