I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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