I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I forgot wine drunk hurts
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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