well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
This baby is an asshole
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
