We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
