I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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