We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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