We named our party play list daddy issues
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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