just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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