whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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