Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
