The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
