I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
