why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
