I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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