How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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