i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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