hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
