I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
