Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
