i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
