Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
