Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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