dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Of course I have a pirate flag
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
