handjob tips. give me some.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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