you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
