Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
