i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm đđ»đ
We are so blessed
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Just because you havenât had your UTI yet doesnât mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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