can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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