So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I stole a fireplace last night.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
