I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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