All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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