i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
