If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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