idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
