apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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