he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
