i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
