I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize