I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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