made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
