Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
