Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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