I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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