Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
My ATM looks so different sober.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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