I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
