i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize