How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
