I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
