okay pat passed out under dana's car
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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