3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
as a side note pls kill me
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
