so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
