My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
too bad you live with your parents still
no, he came in my armpit
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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