I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
