just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
