did you get engaged???
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
